Today Taylor's resident came and talked to me about Taylor's conditions. She said some things that pierced my heart so much "we feel like we have done EVERYTHING that we can do"...I thought to myself "everything you can do, isn't there something else...please try harder!" Then she said "we don't think that Taylor's kidneys are going to recover, we have set up another kidney ultrasound for Monday (three days from now) and then we will know for sure." She left the room...my tears turned to uncontrollable weeping. The nurse by Taylor's bedside knew what was going on. She gave me hug and pulled the curtain around Taylor and I, so we could have some time alone. I didn't know what to do I didn't want to lose her! My thoughts turned to how could this be happening. At this time an overwhelming peace came over me...I knew at this time I had to do the hardest thing in my life and that was to let her go.
I couldn't leave her bedside...I just sat there with her and sang to her and read her an unimaginable amount of stories. I played her music. I layed on her pillow with her. I kissed so many times...(she was probalbly thinking (OKAY MOM THATS ENOUGH)
I had to leave for the nurse change. The night time nurse was so understanding and commpassionate. She let me give Taylor a bath tonight. Taylor did so good...it felt so good just to be there..to be her mom. I got to do most of the the things that Mommies get to do. I got to bathe her, change her bedding, change her diaper, check her temparture, turn her over, I even got to pick her up again tonight.
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