Saturday, February 28, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Happy 1st Birthday Taylor...
Feb. 20th 2008Today is our sweet baby Taylor's birthday. This last couple months have been a little shaky for me although its been such a blessing...
I have been thinking a lot about our first little baby Taylor. She passed away March 2008...each month on the 20th(the day Taylor was born) I think Taylor would be 3month...6months...11months and so on today. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about her. Than again on the 17th of each month(the day that Taylor passed) is a real big tear jerker for me. This day I sit and ponder. I love going up to her graveside just to think. Its so beautiful up there its in the mountains where the prophets are all buried...President Hinckley, David O' Mckay and many more. There are deer and fox that run through there all the time.
So today...Taylor's birthday, first Cammon and I just sat in bed and reminisced on sweet memories with Taylor. I remember the first time I saw my sweet little angel...ohhh she was so precious and little. When she first looked at me tears filled my eyes. She was so tiny and helpless. She was just perfect, right from the arms of Heavenly Father. I loved going in to see her at the hospital. Just holding her sweet little fingers and those itty bitty toes were such a joy. And to think she was really mine...all mine :) I longed to just hold her in my arms...if I could then I knew she would be okay. I remember staying there late...into the early hours of the next morning...but still it wasn't enough. I know it sounds a little weird but I remember the first time I got to change her diaper...and I was so happy to do it. There was very little that I could do...check her temp. change her diaper, at the end I helped in a sponge bath. Each time was such an amazing memory that I don't think too many people get to experience. Cammon and I would read stories to her daily. Her favorite story was The Gingerbreadman, she would always get excited on the part "run run as fast as you can you can't catch me I'm the Gingerbreadman". We had family prayer at night. And I always would sing her songs...my favorite was A Child's Prayer (Every time I sing it now it seems as though she is listening) I also love the song Miracle by Celine Dion. I can't sing it as well as Celine so I would let her listen to it sometimes. I remember holding her for the first time...what an amazing gift! I especially remember her last day...when she was free from all the machines, as I held her I felt each breath wondering if it was the last. She stayed with us for about a hour, she passed away in my arms. After she had passed, Cammon and I laid with her in the middle of us. (Our little family) A perfect angel sent from up above. I wish I could have taken all the pain and suffering away from her. I know that she is in a better place. And I will be able to be with her again.
After we shared these wonderful memories we listened to her funeral (on CD). I made her some brownies(for her Birthday cake)...which we ate them all that night. Then we went up to visit her at her graveside...It was so peaceful, we saw a pack of 7 deer walking through the valley. We sang Happy Birthday and A Child's Prayer.
This day turned out so amazing and peaceful...it felt like she was really here with us.
Happy Birthday sweetheart we miss you tons!!
Aunt Holly and Grandma Price sent the most beautiful flowers to Taylor for her birthday...Thank you!! I know that she would love them...they are pink :)
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Taylor's Obituary
Taylor Madison Wutzke
2/20/2008-3/17/2008
Our beloved daughter Taylor returned to our Father in Heaven on March 17, 2008 after her valiant battle with her struggles since birth.
Taylor was born February 20,2008 to Cammon and Nikki Wutzke. Taylor was born seven weeks premature. She was born with a fetal omphalecelle, acute tubular necrosis and intraventricular hemorrhage. Our little baby Taylor was such a strong fighter. Taylor was here with us for twenty-six wonderful days. She has been such an amazing blessing in our lives. Her sweet spirit has touched our lives in many ways.
Taylor loved to have stories read to her by her mother and father. She especially liked it when her mother would sing to her. The nurses at Primary Children’s Hospital all grew to love Taylor’s strong spirit. “She is a precious little angel”. Taylor’s life was taken from kidney failure, among other things.
Taylor will be lovingly remembered by her father and mother, Cammon and Nikki Wutzke; Her Grandparents Kelly and Terra Wutzke, Dan and Gaye Price. All of her aunts and uncles: Holly (Cade) Darrington, Heidi (Greg) Burton, Hayley (Jared) Hall, Carid Wutzke, and Cabra (Jeremy) Poulton; and all of her cousins Tanner, Seth, Taya, Koby, Rett, Tatyanah, and JenaLynn.
Funeral Services will be held @ 1:00 p.m. Friday March 21, 2008 at Larkin Mortuary, 260 E. South Temple Salt Lake City, Utah. Viewing will start at 12:30 p.m. prior to the service. Graveside service held immediately after service at the Salt Lake cemetery.
Taylor’s family would like to express their gratitude to all the Doctors, Nurses and Specialists at Primary Children Medical Center.
2/20/2008-3/17/2008
Our beloved daughter Taylor returned to our Father in Heaven on March 17, 2008 after her valiant battle with her struggles since birth.
Taylor was born February 20,2008 to Cammon and Nikki Wutzke. Taylor was born seven weeks premature. She was born with a fetal omphalecelle, acute tubular necrosis and intraventricular hemorrhage. Our little baby Taylor was such a strong fighter. Taylor was here with us for twenty-six wonderful days. She has been such an amazing blessing in our lives. Her sweet spirit has touched our lives in many ways.
Taylor loved to have stories read to her by her mother and father. She especially liked it when her mother would sing to her. The nurses at Primary Children’s Hospital all grew to love Taylor’s strong spirit. “She is a precious little angel”. Taylor’s life was taken from kidney failure, among other things.
Taylor will be lovingly remembered by her father and mother, Cammon and Nikki Wutzke; Her Grandparents Kelly and Terra Wutzke, Dan and Gaye Price. All of her aunts and uncles: Holly (Cade) Darrington, Heidi (Greg) Burton, Hayley (Jared) Hall, Carid Wutzke, and Cabra (Jeremy) Poulton; and all of her cousins Tanner, Seth, Taya, Koby, Rett, Tatyanah, and JenaLynn.
Funeral Services will be held @ 1:00 p.m. Friday March 21, 2008 at Larkin Mortuary, 260 E. South Temple Salt Lake City, Utah. Viewing will start at 12:30 p.m. prior to the service. Graveside service held immediately after service at the Salt Lake cemetery.
Taylor’s family would like to express their gratitude to all the Doctors, Nurses and Specialists at Primary Children Medical Center.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Thoughts on my dream...
Back to my dream....When I had that dream a lot of thoughts were going through my head. But I precieve the dream as it was time for Taylor to go back home. I felt as the little girl in my dream was an angel to take her back home. And when I called for help the nurses had already knew that she had passed. When I looked down at her she was breathing fine...that's because she is fine right now. And she is in no pain.
The hardest day of my life....my sweet precious Taylor
Today I woke up after I had a dream. I dreamt about Taylor. In my dream I was holding Taylor in Primary Children's Hospital and for some reason I had to put her back in her bed. I walked over by the window and looked out. When I looked back at Taylor a young child about 8 or 9 years old was holding Taylor...then she put her back in her bed. When she put her back she placed a pillow over her head and disappeared. I ran over to Taylor and took the pillow off of her. I noticed that her ventilator had come unhooked. I called to all the nurses around to come help. "Help, please come help" I kept calling to them and none of them would listen to me. Then I looked down at Taylor and she was just fine. She was breathing on her own and doing fine. Then I woke up.
After my dream I hurried and got ready and went up to the hospital. Today was the day of her kidney ultrasound. Also the all the doctors arranged a care conference with us. When I got to the hospital Taylor was in the same condition as yesterday. They did the ultrasound and I was just waiting to hear back on the results. They let me hold her and spend time with her. When I was holding her they had to turn her oxygen all the way up to 100%. This has never happened before. I know that Taylor was telling me something.
We called all the family to come down to the care conference. Once everyone got to the hospital they called us into the room across the hall. We all sat down. The neonatalogist started, he first told us that the bleeding in Taylor's brain had now progressed to a grade 4 (this is the worst that it can get). The result from the kidney ultrasound was that the kidneys had gotten smaller. "We feel like we have done everything that we can to help taylor." As i began to cry even harder now. Did I have enough confidence, strength and faith to let her go? My sweet little baby, my one true miracle. As the doctor's all left the room, Cammon and I knew what we had to do. We prayed for the strength, comfort and help.
At that moment I wanted to be by her side...and embrace those good memories of her for a lifetime. Heidi and my Dad went and got clothes to dress her in and fingernail polish. We painted her fingernails and toes, gave her two little rings.
Everyone that was there at the hospital got a chance to hold her, before they unhooked the ventilator.
We had a photographer come in and take some last photos of her.
The time was growing nearer and nearer. Taylor was getting cold. Cammon got to hold her (for the second time) and then I got to hold her. The nurses asked me if I was ready...I wanted to say no, but I knew she didn't have much longer. So they put her back in her bed. We had a family prayer, and the rest of the family went over to the room. I stayed and held little Taylor's hand as they took the ventilator out. Then they placed her up on my shoulder. Holding her with no tubes in. I carried her into the room where the rest of the family was waiting. I remember just rocking her back and forth telling her that everything was going to be okay. I didn't want to let her go. But I had to be strong for her. I kept feeling her taking small little breathes, wondering if it was her last. She stayed with us for a while. Cammon held her again. The doctors came into to check her...she was still with us. Then Cammon gave her to me again. What a blessing it was just to hold her, and for her not to be in any pain. I knew her time was going short. She was struggling to hold on with every last breath. It was so heartbreaking. Taylor passed away in my arms that night at 6:10 p.m.
What an amazing gift it was to have such a pure and perfect little girl, I know that she is now in a better place. and I'm so thankful that Heavenly Father trusted me with her...for me to be her mom. He sent his angel to me!
After she had passed we got to spend time with her and everyone got to hold her once more. After hours had passed by...we went and got something to eat, I thought I was doing OK but the pain hit me and I had to get away. Just the thought of never getting to see her again in this lifetime, I couldn't bear it. Cammon and I arranged to go back up to the hospital and hold her again.
It was so wonderful Cammon and I and our little girl. She layed in between us...we were finally a family. Dangit...I know that this is how it was meant to be. Our nurse made us hand and feet prints. She also made us hand molds.
I want to thank everyone for all the love and support and prayers. I know that they have helped us to get this far and that Heavenly Father just had a different plan for Taylor. I know that Taylor was very loved and I know she felt that.
Also thank you so much to all the doctors and nurses that tried so hard to fight for Taylor's life.
Funeral Services will be held @ 1:00 p.m. Friday March 21, 2008 at Larkin Mortuary, 260 E. South Temple Salt Lake City, Utah. Viewing will start at 12:30 p.m. prior to the service. Graveside service held immediately after service at the Salt Lake cemetery.
After my dream I hurried and got ready and went up to the hospital. Today was the day of her kidney ultrasound. Also the all the doctors arranged a care conference with us. When I got to the hospital Taylor was in the same condition as yesterday. They did the ultrasound and I was just waiting to hear back on the results. They let me hold her and spend time with her. When I was holding her they had to turn her oxygen all the way up to 100%. This has never happened before. I know that Taylor was telling me something.
We called all the family to come down to the care conference. Once everyone got to the hospital they called us into the room across the hall. We all sat down. The neonatalogist started, he first told us that the bleeding in Taylor's brain had now progressed to a grade 4 (this is the worst that it can get). The result from the kidney ultrasound was that the kidneys had gotten smaller. "We feel like we have done everything that we can to help taylor." As i began to cry even harder now. Did I have enough confidence, strength and faith to let her go? My sweet little baby, my one true miracle. As the doctor's all left the room, Cammon and I knew what we had to do. We prayed for the strength, comfort and help.
At that moment I wanted to be by her side...and embrace those good memories of her for a lifetime. Heidi and my Dad went and got clothes to dress her in and fingernail polish. We painted her fingernails and toes, gave her two little rings.
Everyone that was there at the hospital got a chance to hold her, before they unhooked the ventilator.
We had a photographer come in and take some last photos of her.
The time was growing nearer and nearer. Taylor was getting cold. Cammon got to hold her (for the second time) and then I got to hold her. The nurses asked me if I was ready...I wanted to say no, but I knew she didn't have much longer. So they put her back in her bed. We had a family prayer, and the rest of the family went over to the room. I stayed and held little Taylor's hand as they took the ventilator out. Then they placed her up on my shoulder. Holding her with no tubes in. I carried her into the room where the rest of the family was waiting. I remember just rocking her back and forth telling her that everything was going to be okay. I didn't want to let her go. But I had to be strong for her. I kept feeling her taking small little breathes, wondering if it was her last. She stayed with us for a while. Cammon held her again. The doctors came into to check her...she was still with us. Then Cammon gave her to me again. What a blessing it was just to hold her, and for her not to be in any pain. I knew her time was going short. She was struggling to hold on with every last breath. It was so heartbreaking. Taylor passed away in my arms that night at 6:10 p.m.
What an amazing gift it was to have such a pure and perfect little girl, I know that she is now in a better place. and I'm so thankful that Heavenly Father trusted me with her...for me to be her mom. He sent his angel to me!
After she had passed we got to spend time with her and everyone got to hold her once more. After hours had passed by...we went and got something to eat, I thought I was doing OK but the pain hit me and I had to get away. Just the thought of never getting to see her again in this lifetime, I couldn't bear it. Cammon and I arranged to go back up to the hospital and hold her again.
It was so wonderful Cammon and I and our little girl. She layed in between us...we were finally a family. Dangit...I know that this is how it was meant to be. Our nurse made us hand and feet prints. She also made us hand molds.
I want to thank everyone for all the love and support and prayers. I know that they have helped us to get this far and that Heavenly Father just had a different plan for Taylor. I know that Taylor was very loved and I know she felt that.
Also thank you so much to all the doctors and nurses that tried so hard to fight for Taylor's life.
Funeral Services will be held @ 1:00 p.m. Friday March 21, 2008 at Larkin Mortuary, 260 E. South Temple Salt Lake City, Utah. Viewing will start at 12:30 p.m. prior to the service. Graveside service held immediately after service at the Salt Lake cemetery.
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